00:09 - 22.11.06
morte duh mudgirl
So it’s like this. Its not that I don’t care, it’s just that there are other things to care about. Mainly me.

I thought about writing a rant to reply to the reactions to the last entry. It was titled “I tried a dessert called death by chocolate but it only made me stronger” only I misspelled dessert so that it was desert so I called it “I tried a desert called death by chocolate but it only made me hotter.” Except that I really didn’t think that anyone would get the joke.

I thought about removing the last post because it so wasn’t about what I wrote about (and yet it was) but that felt dishonest.

I thought about why all of a sudden I was so angry. I was really angry with people. Even loved ones. I couldn’t stand people whining and they weren’t really whining they were just talking….

And I realized that I was burnt out. I had given too much to my job for too long and when my place to rant about my stressful job also wasn’t safe there was nowhere to turn but inward.

Which was actually good because I would have kept on not really realizing that I wasn’t enjoying my work anymore and I don’t think I would have stopped, but this helped me to see that I didn’t want to do direct care anymore.

So I don’t. For right now that is. And for that realization I am thankful.

In between I moved, got married and lost my mom.

The thing is not that I don’t have things to write anymore and I’m not ruling out writing here but I don’t think I will. I think I will find another outlet, maybe public, maybe private but I think this is probably goodbye.

Take care diaryland, take care.

It’s about closure.

Ciao

Mud

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