00:09 - 22.11.06
I thought about writing a rant to reply to the reactions to the last entry. It was titled ďI tried a dessert called death by chocolate but it only made me strongerĒ only I misspelled dessert so that it was desert so I called it ďI tried a desert called death by chocolate but it only made me hotter.Ē Except that I really didnít think that anyone would get the joke.
I thought about removing the last post because it so wasnít about what I wrote about (and yet it was) but that felt dishonest.
I thought about why all of a sudden I was so angry. I was really angry with people. Even loved ones. I couldnít stand people whining and they werenít really whining they were just talkingÖ.
And I realized that I was burnt out. I had given too much to my job for too long and when my place to rant about my stressful job also wasnít safe there was nowhere to turn but inward.
Which was actually good because I would have kept on not really realizing that I wasnít enjoying my work anymore and I donít think I would have stopped, but this helped me to see that I didnít want to do direct care anymore.
So I donít. For right now that is. And for that realization I am thankful.
In between I moved, got married and lost my mom.
The thing is not that I donít have things to write anymore and Iím not ruling out writing here but I donít think I will. I think I will find another outlet, maybe public, maybe private but I think this is probably goodbye.
Take care diaryland, take care.
Itís about closure.