00:09 - 22.11.06
morte duh mudgirl
So it�s like this. Its not that I don�t care, it�s just that there are other things to care about. Mainly me.

I thought about writing a rant to reply to the reactions to the last entry. It was titled �I tried a dessert called death by chocolate but it only made me stronger� only I misspelled dessert so that it was desert so I called it �I tried a desert called death by chocolate but it only made me hotter.� Except that I really didn�t think that anyone would get the joke.

I thought about removing the last post because it so wasn�t about what I wrote about (and yet it was) but that felt dishonest.

I thought about why all of a sudden I was so angry. I was really angry with people. Even loved ones. I couldn�t stand people whining and they weren�t really whining they were just talking�.

And I realized that I was burnt out. I had given too much to my job for too long and when my place to rant about my stressful job also wasn�t safe there was nowhere to turn but inward.

Which was actually good because I would have kept on not really realizing that I wasn�t enjoying my work anymore and I don�t think I would have stopped, but this helped me to see that I didn�t want to do direct care anymore.

So I don�t. For right now that is. And for that realization I am thankful.

In between I moved, got married and lost my mom.

The thing is not that I don�t have things to write anymore and I�m not ruling out writing here but I don�t think I will. I think I will find another outlet, maybe public, maybe private but I think this is probably goodbye.

Take care diaryland, take care.

It�s about closure.

Ciao

Mud

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